Title: Different Strokes for Different Folks
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 783
For Meep. I fractured this, I know.
“I’ve a friend who keeps tossing plot bunnies,” Jamie said. “It gets annoying sometimes,” Jamie continued; “And painful,” his friend jumped in; Jamie nodded, “and painful when a plot bunny bites you from that tossing.”
The person who was interviewing Jamie for an informal study of what makes blog writers write raised his eyebrows. He was from ‘over the pond’. Were these Yanks really doing what he thought they were saying? He shrugged and went for it, “So the plot bunnies don’t like the molesting or who’s doing the molesting,” he tried.
“Molesting??” Jamie stared at the Interviewer and his friend had a serious frown on his face.
The Interviewer coughed, “Yes, um, you did say you were tossing the plot bunnies…”
Confused Jamie drew out his answer, “Yeeeeeeeeess…”
“Tossing. You said you’re molesting plot bunnies and they don’t like it, so that’s non-con fiction, right?”
“Well, sometimes it’s non-con fiction but not always. In fact most times it’s not,” Jamie tried. “Wait. We the writers are the one’s who the plunnies are attacking, biting, not the other way around.”
“I understand,” the Interviewer nodded, “if someone molested me without my consent I’d attack them too. And they’re small little cute cuddly inspirations, I’ve seen pictures, probably the only recourse because of their size is to bite.”
“What?!” both Jamie and his friend cried. Jamie added, “How do you get the idea that the plunnies are being molested?”
“You said your friend tosses them,” the Interviewer was striving for patience.
“That’s okay I toss them too. It’s fun,” Jamie grinned.
Shaking his head almost violently the Interviewer tried again, pretty much spluttering, “BOTH of you toss plunnies?!”
“Well, sure. It seems only fair,” Jamie started, pausing as something occurred to him. “Wait, is this something like guys in your country cross-dressing in …” he snapped his fingers.
“That outfit that Alice in Wonderland wore,” his friend supplied helpfully.
“Yeah,” Jamie brightened, “jumpers!”
Irritated by the off topic bent the conversation was taking the Interviewer’s spluttering got worse, “THAT is A PINAFORE that Alice wears! A ‘jumper’ is knit from wool and it’s unisexual. You pull it on over a shirt often to stay warm.”
A slow smile grew on Jamie’s face, “What does ‘tossing’ mean to you, then?”
The Interviewer’s face deepened to a red hue, “I’ll do the questioning. It’s me, interviewing you.” Taking a deep breath, “Now, where on a plunny, plunny you say?, where do you find their… um… sexual parts and since they’re quite small….”
“Not always,” Jamie’s friend cut in, “depends on the plunny. Big plunnies have size appropriate genitals. Not that … um… I’ve gone looking for them. You generally just grab your plunny any which way and toss them.”
The Interviewer gasped, “any which way?!”
“Sure,” Jamie took control again, “doesn’t matter really, well except you want to stay away from where the mouth is obviously unless you want to get bit too.”
You could tell the Interviewer was starting to see light, “Do you happen to know what the term ‘toss’ means to me and my future readers?”
Jamie shook his head and grinned, “but I think I might be getting kinda what you’re getting at.” He turned to his still confused friend, “I was right, it is like ‘jumpers’. I’m betting it’s a Britishism or whatever.” He crossed his arms across his chest and looked at the Interview with a grin, “Well,” he prompted, so tell us. How would YOU toss a plunny on your side of the ocean?”
“I WOULDN’T!” the Interviewer cried.
“Here in the U.S. of America, when we toss something, we throw them. What does it mean where you,” Jamie leaned forward with a full smirk on his face, ‘cum’ from?”
“Never mind. This interview is over,” and the Interviewer packed away his tape recorder and note pad in disgust but at the last minute turned to ask semi-politely, “Could you tell me where PLEASE, where can I buy some fags around here?”
Jamie and his friend gasped, “FAGS?”
“NEVER MIND!” the Interviewer said, “I’ll go ask that lady over there. She looks sane,” and started walking toward the female police officer who was writing parking tickets.
Jamie friend looked at Jamie, “Think we should tell him that it’s a bad idea to ask an officer for where to buy sex with a male prostitute?
“Naw,” Jamie replied, “let’s just watch. We can bail him out in the morning. He’ll probably have an interesting discussion with his cell mate.”
“You did see the plunny crawl into his pocket when he put away his pen too, didn’t you?” Jamie’s friend asked.
“Yep,” Jamie said, “think it’ll be consensual, or non-con?”
* tosser - Means a jerk-off in American English. Also, British slang for male masturbation.
http://www.urbandictionary.comTheir reply was:
I love language quirks, but this would have been more fun if molestation wasn't in the news (and in my family history). Too soon.
The cop wouldn't automatically assume anything. She'd probably say "What?" because who would ask her such a thing, and then he'd make fangs with his fingers (probably while aggrieved) and she'd point him to the nearest party/prop/costume store.
Don't forget bugger. I've hear people say it, but I'm pretty sure they have no idea what it means.
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