Double Standard
Feb. 27th, 2015 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charisstomahttp://notalwayslearning.com/was-bra-ced-for-a-different-reaction/36792
Was Bra-ced For A Different Reaction
SECONDARY SCHOOL | SURREY, ENGLAND, UK | BAD BEHAVIOR, BULLY, PARENTS
(I’m an A&E nurse. We’re not allowed our phones on us; they’re to be kept in our lockers. A call comes into hospital reception on a private line for me.)
Phone: “This is [Teacher] from [School]. There’s been an incident involving [Daughter]. We need you to come in.”
Me: “Is she ill or injured? Can it wait until my shift is over in two hours?”
Phone: “[Daughter] has struck another pupil. We’ve been trying to call you for 45 minutes. It really is very serious.”
(I go to the school and am ushered into the head’s office. I see my daughter, her head of year, a male teacher, the headmaster, a boy with blood around his nose and a red face, and his parents.)
Head: “Mrs. [My Name], how kind of you to FINALLY join us!”
Me: “Yeah, things get busy in A&E. I’ve spent the last hour administering over 40 stitches to a seven-year-old who was beaten by his mother with a metal ladle and then I had to deal with the police regarding the matter. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
(After watching him try to not act embarrassed, he tells me what has happened. The boy had twanged my daughter’s bra and she had punched him in the face twice. I got the impression they were more angry with my daughter than the boy.)
Me: “Oh. And you want to know if I’m going to press charges against him for sexually assaulting my daughter and against the school for allowing him to do it?”
(They all get jittery when I mention sexual assault and start speaking at once.)
Teacher: “I don’t think it was that serious.”
Head Of Year: “Let’s not over-react.”
Head: “I think you’re missing the point.”
(The boy’s mother then starts crying. I turn to my daughter to find out what happened.)
Daughter: “He kept pinging my bra. I asked him to stop but he didn’t, so I told Mr. [Teacher]. He told me to ‘ignore it.’ [Boy] did it again and undid my bra so I hit him. Then he stopped.”
(I turn to the teacher.)
Me: “You let him do this? Why didn’t you stop him? Come over here and let me touch the front of your trousers.”
Teacher: “What?! No!”
Me: “Does that seem inappropriate to you? Why don’t you go and pull on Mrs. [Head Of Year]’s bra right now. See how fun it is for her. Or on that boy’s mum’s bra. Or mine. You think just because they’re kids it’s fun?”
Head: “Mrs. [My Name]. With all due respect, [Daughter] still beat another child.”
Me: “No. She defended herself against a sexual attack from another pupil. Look at them; he’s nearly 6 feet and 11 or 12 stone. She’s 5 feet and 6 stone. He’s a foot taller than her and twice as heavy. How many times should she have let him touch her? If the person who was supposed to help and protect her in a classroom couldn’t be bothered what should she have done? He pulled her bra so hard it came undone.”
(The boy’s mum is still crying and his dad looks both angry and embarrassed. The teacher won’t make eye contact with me. I look at the headmaster.)
Me: “I’m taking her home. I think the boy has learnt his lesson. And I hope nothing like this ever happens again, not only to [Daughter], but to any other girl at this school. You wouldn’t let him do it to a member of staff so what makes you think he can do it to a girl of 15 is beyond me. I will be reporting this to the governors. And if you—” *turning to the boy* “—EVER touch my daughter again I WILL have you arrested for sexual assault. Do you understand me?”
(I was so angry I gathered my daughter’s things and left. I reported it to the Board of Governors, several of whom I know from Church (it’s a Catholic school), and was assured it would be strongly dealt with. I also reported it to OFSTED (Government-run school monitoring) and they were equally as horrified and assured me they would contact the school. My daughter was put into a different class for that subject, away from the teacher and the boy.)
Was Bra-ced For A Different Reaction
SECONDARY SCHOOL | SURREY, ENGLAND, UK | BAD BEHAVIOR, BULLY, PARENTS
(I’m an A&E nurse. We’re not allowed our phones on us; they’re to be kept in our lockers. A call comes into hospital reception on a private line for me.)
Phone: “This is [Teacher] from [School]. There’s been an incident involving [Daughter]. We need you to come in.”
Me: “Is she ill or injured? Can it wait until my shift is over in two hours?”
Phone: “[Daughter] has struck another pupil. We’ve been trying to call you for 45 minutes. It really is very serious.”
(I go to the school and am ushered into the head’s office. I see my daughter, her head of year, a male teacher, the headmaster, a boy with blood around his nose and a red face, and his parents.)
Head: “Mrs. [My Name], how kind of you to FINALLY join us!”
Me: “Yeah, things get busy in A&E. I’ve spent the last hour administering over 40 stitches to a seven-year-old who was beaten by his mother with a metal ladle and then I had to deal with the police regarding the matter. Sorry for the inconvenience.”
(After watching him try to not act embarrassed, he tells me what has happened. The boy had twanged my daughter’s bra and she had punched him in the face twice. I got the impression they were more angry with my daughter than the boy.)
Me: “Oh. And you want to know if I’m going to press charges against him for sexually assaulting my daughter and against the school for allowing him to do it?”
(They all get jittery when I mention sexual assault and start speaking at once.)
Teacher: “I don’t think it was that serious.”
Head Of Year: “Let’s not over-react.”
Head: “I think you’re missing the point.”
(The boy’s mother then starts crying. I turn to my daughter to find out what happened.)
Daughter: “He kept pinging my bra. I asked him to stop but he didn’t, so I told Mr. [Teacher]. He told me to ‘ignore it.’ [Boy] did it again and undid my bra so I hit him. Then he stopped.”
(I turn to the teacher.)
Me: “You let him do this? Why didn’t you stop him? Come over here and let me touch the front of your trousers.”
Teacher: “What?! No!”
Me: “Does that seem inappropriate to you? Why don’t you go and pull on Mrs. [Head Of Year]’s bra right now. See how fun it is for her. Or on that boy’s mum’s bra. Or mine. You think just because they’re kids it’s fun?”
Head: “Mrs. [My Name]. With all due respect, [Daughter] still beat another child.”
Me: “No. She defended herself against a sexual attack from another pupil. Look at them; he’s nearly 6 feet and 11 or 12 stone. She’s 5 feet and 6 stone. He’s a foot taller than her and twice as heavy. How many times should she have let him touch her? If the person who was supposed to help and protect her in a classroom couldn’t be bothered what should she have done? He pulled her bra so hard it came undone.”
(The boy’s mum is still crying and his dad looks both angry and embarrassed. The teacher won’t make eye contact with me. I look at the headmaster.)
Me: “I’m taking her home. I think the boy has learnt his lesson. And I hope nothing like this ever happens again, not only to [Daughter], but to any other girl at this school. You wouldn’t let him do it to a member of staff so what makes you think he can do it to a girl of 15 is beyond me. I will be reporting this to the governors. And if you—” *turning to the boy* “—EVER touch my daughter again I WILL have you arrested for sexual assault. Do you understand me?”
(I was so angry I gathered my daughter’s things and left. I reported it to the Board of Governors, several of whom I know from Church (it’s a Catholic school), and was assured it would be strongly dealt with. I also reported it to OFSTED (Government-run school monitoring) and they were equally as horrified and assured me they would contact the school. My daughter was put into a different class for that subject, away from the teacher and the boy.)
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no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 12:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 01:52 pm (UTC)I'm not saying this wasn't made up (or at the least embellished?) but I hope it's true. Because it rocks.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 06:13 pm (UTC)It just sounds scripted to me but I'd like to think there's a base of truth there.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 08:14 pm (UTC)A&E people have to be a hearty lot able to make clear and accurate decisions and able to see what's up a bit more than most considering what they see on a daily basis, I'd think.
You patch up, physically and emotionally (if you can), a rape victim and you're not going to let something remotely like this happen to your child. Her training more than probably kept her civilized enough to flail them verbally instead of swinging at those who didn't protect her child from such abuse.
Nice touch that she didn't take things to the police on the boy but gave him a do this and this will happen. That kid needs to learn that lesson for his own good too. She put the onus where it belonged the educated adults in that school.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 09:46 pm (UTC)1 - The 'I was stitching up a kid...' seemed over the top. A&E people see horrible things that among them, but at that moment - Yes, okay it's probably embellishment to make a point, but I can be cynical, it too obviously makes the school wrong-footed from the start.
2 - Would a school really be finally and not think of parents being in work? the 'kids' are 15?! You can leave school at 16.
While 15yr olds aren't as adult as they tend to think they are ;) I'm not sure about the immediate call parents to the school aspect.
AND girl was in a room with 3 teachers, the boy and both his parents - just waiting for mum to appear? PRESSURE.
3 - A UK person that quick to talk about sueing?
4 - The boys mother crying - If true it's obviously VERY onsided. They don't defend/tell off their son. Speak up at all?
I think it's a very biased telling - but then I'd love to be one of those people who can be totally on form in a situation instead of walk away and think of all the thinks I'd like to have said.
BUT the point of the story true or not is the attitude 'just messing around' Adults dismissing/ not wanting ot deal with situations. Boys mess around and girls are supposed to laugh it off. NO. A punch on the nose is definitely the way to go ;)
no subject
Date: 2015-02-28 01:51 pm (UTC)She did a much better job than I would have. I would have punched the kid in the nose too! :D And possibly her teacher as well.
I think this was more 'long term' effective. ;)
Warning: soap box.
Date: 2015-02-28 08:25 pm (UTC)The boy learned that such behavior shouldn't be done.
The girl learned that she did the intermediary steps that are taught in handling bullying and then stood up for herself and that is the correct way it should be handled.
The educators are probably/hopefully having training on what we get here, INOK (It's Not Okay). Students and staff get this training. The girl did the classic anti-bullying resolution steps.
Steps necessary because sometimes the person who's doing it doesn't know that that is what is happening and sometimes an authority figure needs to back up that 'yes that is a wrong way to act' and that the person the behavior is directed towards doesn't think it's teasing fun.