A Note to a Vampire

claroquequiza

Maybe I'm an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins - that's your food!
THAT'S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssake stop looking so smug, like, "Oooo, I'm a creature of the night look at what sustains me" yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I'm seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!!
You're how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT!!

Bookshelf Envy

Okay, not the genera I want but the look I want.

Familiar Strut

https://whythese.com/memecat/41/

This looks like it might hurt

AchmadAnam Myrtillocactus geometrizans


Member of the cactus family.
amazon

The DMV

official_Ikhamilton

Them: Hello sir, may I have your name?

Me: No, you may not have my name, but you may call me John.

Them: Sir, this is a DMV and I am not a fae.

Me: Oh? Then you wouldn't mind holding this iron horseshoe then, right?

*DMV clerk begins to sweat nervously*


official_Ikhamilton Hmmmm

Fae working at the DMV, would that make it more or less efficient?