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charisstomaThis is different.
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Title: The Dream
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 715
Warning: abuse within a relationship
Summary: This came from a dream, which seems to be negatively going around here on lj. Not that others are having my dream but.. yeah. As such it is only a dream.
Had never had a dream like that before. I’d been standing in front of the shelves looking at the white cardboard box. A pretty box of the sort that holds glass ornaments that are going to be given as gifts. In this case the box contains a perfect sea urchin shell. One I’d purchased years ago that could be used as a night light when put on a base in which a light source shines up into the shell. The shell reveals colors not seen otherwise under such treatment, with blues in lines where a five spoked star shape marked the urchin. Pretty and perfect.
The box seams are glowing from the inside, a blue that has no source. As I stretch out my hand to lay flat on the top of the box its general glow becomes greater at my nearing. Alarmed I draw back and the glow returns to only its prior radiance. There’s no reason for this box and its contents to do what it is doing. This is something fearful and to be avoided.
Waking or maybe it’s more of the dream, I am again in front of the shelf. The urchin is now out of its box and sitting on the shelf, revealed and prey to the dust that will gather on it. Exposed and breakable. The waste basket near the shelf still holds the white paper box the urchin had been stored in. Reaching in to retrieve the box and restore the urchin to its protective containment, my lover comes up behind me and says, “ leave it. If you put it back inside the box then I’ll throw the shell out when I dispose of them both.” I of course argue for all the reasons that I’d kept it in the box in the first place and also for the secret reason that I liked knowing it was there hidden to be taken out and admired when I felt a desire to see its perfect ness. But the ultimatum stands and though I rescue the box to fold it flat for its storage, I do not return the urchin to the protective enclosure.
Again I’ve woken or the dream continues and once more I am in front of the shelf. The sea urchin stands on that shelf but its perfection is broken. A triangular section has been cracked out of the flat bottomed sphere and lies on its own in front of its former body. I charge off to confront my lover, finding him seated at his desk in the room we’d made into a home office. He looks up with disinterested impatience at my arrival and even less at my cries of, ‘I knew this would happen if the urchin was taken out of its box. It’s broken.’
My lover impassively looks at me and tells me, ‘it’s not broken. Go back and look at it.’ We verbally struggle and he repeats for me to, ‘go back and look,’ like I’m an idiot who doesn’t know how to use their eyes correctly. It’s enough. I need to walk away to think. He’s not listening to me, just blowing me off. I’m less important to him; my opinions, desires, and needs are less important to him; and something has happened to our relationship. Barely taking the time to think I’m out the door with an overnight bag of a few clothes. I’ll text him that I won’t be home tonight.. later, when I won’t text something that can’t be taken back.
There’s a confrontation between us at a supposed friend’s place. A friend that I discover is more my lover’s than mine. The sea urchin is presented to me, its shattered pieces held in a tear drop of a clear plastic sandwich baggie. How allegorical of what our relationship and my life has become.
The blows that rain down on my body from his fists are only numbly felt, the damage is already done.
I wake and the world doesn’t seem to have changed. The bed is warm and my lover’s breaths are coming from beside me in the early morning’s light. The shelf stands beside the bedroom doorway. The pretty white paper box rests undisturbed on it lit by a shaft of light from the opposing window.
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Title: The Dream
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 715
Warning: abuse within a relationship
Summary: This came from a dream, which seems to be negatively going around here on lj. Not that others are having my dream but.. yeah. As such it is only a dream.
Had never had a dream like that before. I’d been standing in front of the shelves looking at the white cardboard box. A pretty box of the sort that holds glass ornaments that are going to be given as gifts. In this case the box contains a perfect sea urchin shell. One I’d purchased years ago that could be used as a night light when put on a base in which a light source shines up into the shell. The shell reveals colors not seen otherwise under such treatment, with blues in lines where a five spoked star shape marked the urchin. Pretty and perfect.
The box seams are glowing from the inside, a blue that has no source. As I stretch out my hand to lay flat on the top of the box its general glow becomes greater at my nearing. Alarmed I draw back and the glow returns to only its prior radiance. There’s no reason for this box and its contents to do what it is doing. This is something fearful and to be avoided.
Waking or maybe it’s more of the dream, I am again in front of the shelf. The urchin is now out of its box and sitting on the shelf, revealed and prey to the dust that will gather on it. Exposed and breakable. The waste basket near the shelf still holds the white paper box the urchin had been stored in. Reaching in to retrieve the box and restore the urchin to its protective containment, my lover comes up behind me and says, “ leave it. If you put it back inside the box then I’ll throw the shell out when I dispose of them both.” I of course argue for all the reasons that I’d kept it in the box in the first place and also for the secret reason that I liked knowing it was there hidden to be taken out and admired when I felt a desire to see its perfect ness. But the ultimatum stands and though I rescue the box to fold it flat for its storage, I do not return the urchin to the protective enclosure.
Again I’ve woken or the dream continues and once more I am in front of the shelf. The sea urchin stands on that shelf but its perfection is broken. A triangular section has been cracked out of the flat bottomed sphere and lies on its own in front of its former body. I charge off to confront my lover, finding him seated at his desk in the room we’d made into a home office. He looks up with disinterested impatience at my arrival and even less at my cries of, ‘I knew this would happen if the urchin was taken out of its box. It’s broken.’
My lover impassively looks at me and tells me, ‘it’s not broken. Go back and look at it.’ We verbally struggle and he repeats for me to, ‘go back and look,’ like I’m an idiot who doesn’t know how to use their eyes correctly. It’s enough. I need to walk away to think. He’s not listening to me, just blowing me off. I’m less important to him; my opinions, desires, and needs are less important to him; and something has happened to our relationship. Barely taking the time to think I’m out the door with an overnight bag of a few clothes. I’ll text him that I won’t be home tonight.. later, when I won’t text something that can’t be taken back.
There’s a confrontation between us at a supposed friend’s place. A friend that I discover is more my lover’s than mine. The sea urchin is presented to me, its shattered pieces held in a tear drop of a clear plastic sandwich baggie. How allegorical of what our relationship and my life has become.
The blows that rain down on my body from his fists are only numbly felt, the damage is already done.
I wake and the world doesn’t seem to have changed. The bed is warm and my lover’s breaths are coming from beside me in the early morning’s light. The shelf stands beside the bedroom doorway. The pretty white paper box rests undisturbed on it lit by a shaft of light from the opposing window.
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no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 06:53 pm (UTC)It's surprising how writing out a dream lances the feeling that it leaves. The bad dreams need this but so do the good ones if only to save them for posterity *snerk* or to salivate over in the future if they can be put down in words properly. Trick is remembering enough that they make sense.
hmm. Wonder where the Master Librarian got off to? Might want to go look and see or there's more zombie at the shop maybe or the lawn needs mowing.. anything but thinking what to wear for the dinner tonight. It is 1:52 in the afternoon. Expect I should eat breakfast.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-07 01:42 pm (UTC)Maybe the master librarian is hiding a favourite Djinn in places other than the overcrowded bin?
I'm sure Sam would love to give fashion advice if you wanted to stand out?!
volunteer dinners don't sound fun.
LOL just checked it's 13.42 here and I'm thinking of brekkie!!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 07:54 pm (UTC)Thank you for the elegant compliment. You have a talent with words that I admire.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 08:03 pm (UTC)Thank you for complimenting my compliment! :)
no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 08:28 pm (UTC)It has the vocabulary and feel similar to 'The Lord John' series of Diana Gabaldon which I love to read. *grins* Think I might be a word snob.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-06 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-23 01:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-23 04:11 pm (UTC)Per my friend, the sea urchin is me and it doesn't have to be a romance that is about to change/be broken/ has been broken. It can be anything that is changing. Perhaps it is my life, locked away supposedly safe in its box but in reality still fragile and about to be different.
Damn it, I want happy change, not broken pieces.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-24 12:11 am (UTC)