charisstoma

Title: One of Those Catastrophes
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 714
Birthday fic for Dibbs

“What do you mean the Super-deluxe Jumbo Dildo Tickler isn’t available anymore,” the voice on the other end of the telephone wailed. “Mine had an accident last night. I need,” the word was drawn out plaintively, “to have a new one Now.”

Marcus pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it. In all the time that he’d been at Pleasures Coffee Shop and Sex Emporium, this was a first. Usually people were eager to try a newer and improved model instead of just replacing the broken one with the same old style. This person was as broken as their vibrator.

“We have many new styles available with extra features,” Marcus started and stopped when a hiccupped sniffle cut him off. “How about you tell me what it was about your Dildo Tickler that made it irreplaceable and I’ll see how close I can get to a replacement for it.”

There was a silence on the other end for a bit and then, “It was large,” they paused, “with a nubby exterior that my um playmate really likes and it has a curve that hits just the right spot in his um anatomy.” There was a deep breath, “and the interior was large and roomy inside and um it was easy to unscrew the end so I could get my arm and hands out to rub and squeeze his balls while vibrating.”

“You’re a djinn,” Marcus asked carefully.

“Is that going to be a problem,” was asked back in a tone that suggested things could get ugly fast.

Quickly, “No! No. It’s just that there’s a new model out that is specially crafted with djinn residence in mind.” Marcus pulled up the online catalog, “Do you still have internet ability in your Tickler?”

“Yes.”

“Then search our catalog for product number 49856-12Dn. You’ll see that the product photos have exterior and interior views as well as a list of other tantalizing specifications. I believe that you will find this to be an upgrade from your recent model.”

The other end of the phone cooed, “oh, that does look nice. How soon can delivery be made? Is there an expedited delivery service?”

Marcus pulled up Pleasures inventory list, “Did you by any chance have insurance? Most djinn do and if you look at your policy you might notice that your insurance will cover replacement and within day delivery. Contact them first and give them our name and the product number of the replacement.”

There was a long pause on the djinn side of the conversation. “Do you happen to have the phone number of the Tigris Djinn Insurance Ltd available? You see there was a terrible flood during cleanup and things um… let’s just say that the paperwork is missing.”

Trying hard not to give any indication of where his mind was wandering Marcus pressed a few keys to retrieve the information and conveyed it to the customer to the djinn’s obvious relief. Carefully he thanked the customer for calling and disconnected the call before setting his head on the counter.

“Problem,” Adam asked.

“No,” Marcus said into the counter. “Just a djinn dealing with the aftereffects of a lover who got fumbly and flushed things he shouldn’t have afterwards.”

“Well shit,” Adam murmured before he and Marcus broke into giggles that lasted long enough to possibly be a problem when Tigris Djinn Insurance Ltd called to make arrangements for the replacement order. The insurance agent on the other side of the phone seemed to have an out of breath hiccupping problem.

“There will be one of our couriers there within the hour for product pickup. Thank you for your assistance with our client. It has been a pleasure doing business with your company.”

A giggle snuck out but Marcus, with a semi-straight face, though of course the djinn on the other end of the phone couldn’t see it or he hoped he couldn’t because Adam wasn’t being as professional, assured the agent that the pleasure was all his.

There was a snort, “then that means that all parties have been satisfied. Thank you,” there was a pause and then a gurgle, “for your service,” and the djinn insurance representative hung up so that Marcus and he could both give into their laughter.