Less Than Three Press : Samantha's Challenge #10 "Just get in the car."

[charisstoma]

Title: Onodrim http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Ents
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 455

My thanks to dyoklako for the marvelous way to substitute food for swear words and to saskia for bringing Tolkien characters to hover in my mind. And of course, Dictionary.com for K.M. Frontain’s quote and rykaine for the prompts.

***
He moved toward the bole eagerly. The tree was shorter than it was wide, the branches enormous appendages that flung to the sides in a giant welcome.
-- K.M. Frontain, The Gryphon Taint

Karl, for the third time, read the quote. Looking up, he compared the description with what was up on the knoll in front of him.
“Well hasenpfeffer,” he swore. “It’s the same rabbit stew thing.”

Laughter interrupted him, “You know you should put your ladle down, sweet cheeks,” Karl knew which cheeks Norm was referring to and they didn’t get chapped in winter unless a certain someone had stuck snow into unfortunate places.

“You should put your ladle down and swear like the educated man you are.” Norm grinned at him, “The way I taught you.”

“Yeah, you taught me alright, late at night, early in the morning, and any time we could steal a few dozen hours away from interruption; but it wasn’t any way that my mother would have approved of without a wedding ring.”

“Do you want that wedding ring?”

With a growl, “You know I do, cucumber.” There was another growl.

Norm from the comfort of leaning on the car pushed away. “Good. Now get in the car.”

“Where’s my professions of your love for me? Where’s my formal request for my hand from you? Where’s my sautéing kiss for cranberries sake?” Karl demanded. The growl was louder.

“They’re in the tree’s moving car, for move your sweet buns sakes! Now. Get. In. The car!”

The latest growl was followed by a rattling of branches and Karl throwing a glance up the hill, but less far than when he’d first looked at it, saw that the tree definitely was moving, towards him. A very short struggle with his mind later, he did what sane people did confronted with a rapidly moving tree and ran for the car.

Norm had the engine started and the passenger door open. As soon as Karl could throw himself inside and not lose any limbs from the door slamming shut, the car was down the road piling miles of protection between them and a Tolkien depiction of myth.

“MacBeth has nothing on us,” Norm said and nervous laughter filled the car.

“So did you mean it or was it all a ploy?”

Norm looked offended. “You think I would bring you to a place and arrange for a killer fairy tale tree to come alive to try to get you, all to set a romantic mood to propose?”

With a huff Karl crossed his arms over his chest and glowered at the windscreen. “Well it would have been nice.”

“Yes my crazy love, but what will better is crossing the border and tying the knot over the anvil at Gretna. Your copy of the marriage notice declaration form for the Registrar is in the glove box. You’ve got about 50 miles and closing to fill it out.”

Comments

[mechante-fille.livejournal.com]

Food as swear words sounds like it could get a little confusing... or just make a person hungry. ^__^

Ents! You really want to be on the same side as them in a fight. Although, a car seems a better escape route.

You got that quote from dictionary.com?! Take a look at the post below yours on my flist. Small oatmeal world, eh?

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

*laughing* Small world.

I subscribed.
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

*grins* Saw it used on dyoklako's lj in a justified rant and thought, 'that's a wonderful way to get around the profanity ban.'
And yes, now I am hungry.

Speaking of dictionary... did you know that the Onodrim were Ents without the link? I didn't. I'm going to lose my geekiness title if Saskia reads that.

[mechante-fille.livejournal.com]

Nope, I wouldn't have connected what the title meant. *shrugs* I've actually never read the books. I hold to the claim that I get to keep my geek cred b/c I own the animated movies on betamax.

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

You still have a working Betamax player?!
I have videos in beta but no machine and they don't exist over here anymore. Have a VHS/DVD player and that's old tech. *sighs*

[mechante-fille.livejournal.com]

Yup! Well, it worked the last time I used it. I no longer have the tv it was plugged into and haven't figured a way to fit the darn thing in the living room.

It is part of the original machine purchased by my parents in 1981. It was combined with parts from a different machine in the mid-90's.

I have dozens of videos, though most are pirated. We lived overseas, it's the way it was done.

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Indeed, I've lived in the Rep. de Panama. I know how it goes.

[dyoklako.livejournal.com]

Glad to have inspired you. ;)

Love this and only realized the Ents only after reading the comments. yeah, been a long time since i've read LotR (though i watched the movie only last week on cable).

my food swears are inspired due to my local language's love of playing with words hence the lovely desserts selection. ^^;;

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

"my food swears are inspired due to my local language's love of playing with words hence the lovely desserts selection"

And since I think that your ranting is perfectly justified that would make those as 'just desserts' ?

[dyoklako.livejournal.com]

exactly! XD

[saskia399.livejournal.com]

Ok, so half of those sounded like sweet nicknames instead of swearwords....You know, like cucumber ^_^

Loving the snark though! Maybe that's where I got confused? ^_^ *grins*

You get to keep your geekiness even if you don't know what *looks it up* Onodrims are *giggles* I didn't either...there's a difference between knowing Gandalf and the Onodrim *nods* I hereby declare it anyway *lopsided grin* Not that I'm leading authority on geekiness anyway. Just on a mission to get 'Geek' out of the swearword category at our school and into the Coolness it deserves!

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Well the French call loved ones their 'little cabbage' so cucumber does have a certain feel to its usage, especially in my hands. *smiles into a grin*

We are proud of our 'Geek'. The geeks I know and of make beaucoup bucks. Sweet revenge for any social ostracism suffered before time.

[saskia399.livejournal.com]

Especially in your hands! Yup! I hereby claim complete innocence *looks at goat and cucumber reference somewhere* *innocent look*

*peeks* is it working? *leery grin*

Primus is slowly claiming the title and being proud of it. Too many kids look shocked when I tell them Geeks are Cool. Most don't believe *shakes head* their loss.

[mee-eep.livejournal.com]

You're playing with Cucumbers again!

Fun, I have a feeling a lot happens around these two :D
and Gretna *nostalgia* :)

How to peel a cucumber:

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Taking one's teeth, we'll call them cucumber peelers, one gently *very important wouldn't want to damage the fruit* removes the peel or there may be a peal of a different kind. The cucumber is probably going to be slimy after this and this can be corrected by washing with water or laving it, again carefully, in a variety of oral manners. Of course one could just neglect to put the peel on at all but that might result in one's becoming a watermelon if conditions are clement for that result.

Re: How to peel a cucumber:

[mee-eep.livejournal.com]

*SPLUTTER*

Re: How to peel a cucumber:

[theotherdibbler.livejournal.com]

You are a terrible, terrible person. But I don't like cucumber, so you haven't ruined my dinner at least. XP

Re: How to peel a cucumber:

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

It was worth Meep's splutter. *grins*

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

You were wed at Gretna? If so Squeeeee!

[mee-eep.livejournal.com]

We were :)

[theotherdibbler.livejournal.com]

Hee! Cool. :D

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Descriptive details of the wedding? Leave nothing out but the actual wedding bonding activities that are not for public viewing.
Combined with what is offered on the Gretna Green plan you wedding websites, there's probably a continuation of this.
Or you could write the next part.... *grins*

[mee-eep.livejournal.com]

It's a really tiny place, Gretna is about two streets if that, very rural, containing two hairdressers and a flower shop that I remember. There's a few hotels you can get married at so gardens are all designed for wedding photos :)

We got married at the Original Old Blacksmith's Shop at the anvil. A white brick building with black trim and a wheel on it. It's a little commercialised inside (there's a big shop) but it's still nice. You can view webcam from the area I think.

Very simple :D You turn up go to the little desk and say 'We're here' meet the photographer there and they'll ask is you want a Bagpiper (you can order in advance but theres generally one about and you can hear them (*sniffle* never got the emotional impact of bagpipes before, they can really do a number on you!)) they ask about witness and if you've not brought your own they go grab some willing people - ours still sends christmas cards :) I think he was far more nervous than either of us! the other was the photographer.

The ceremony is quiet and goes in a blur - plain room, the anvil is on a tree trunk, white walls, think there was a wooden bench. Like a cleaned out barn I guess, basic.

Then photos, we got to a photo in one of the old carriages on display (there's several) which I was told isn't allowed ;) then out in the little courtyard *sigh* I'll have to go look through my wedding album now *nostalgia* there's touristy people about there and I clearly remember some woman rushing up to me and telling me I looked 'beautiful' meeps aren't comfortable/familiar with compliments and it choked me up :) was nice of her.
I remember a pretty arbour with a bench to sit on and a photo by the Gretna sign of course.

*happy sigh*
I'll look at photos for more detail if you want, LOL this was 11yrs 8days ago!

The husband gets given little square cut Whiskey glasses from Gretna and the woman a little anvil charm. (I'm pretty sure their available in the shop but still...)

Oh and you can sign the visitors book, which we didn't somehow :( but there's comments there like 'got married' and 'Xyrs today'...

I think they should have them wear KILTS :D:D:D:D:D:D

Then we went back to the hotel to er bond a little :) and later went for a lovely meal in an old pub/inn style place and to phone people and go 'guess what we just did?'

[theotherdibbler.livejournal.com]

Aww, I think Karl deserves a few romantic gestures, come on!

Edit: (oh geeze, I didn't think that one through did I?)

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Dear fellow reader of vintage romance of the Heyer variety,

Gretna.
Need I say more.
They're eloping to Gretna, modern day version.

Need to pick Meep's brain for details of someone having done such a thing.