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Meep is evil. All I did was suggest this to onecrazycanuke when she said her characters in a story she was thinking of doing would meet in a bar and that's all she'd say and yes she is mean like that.
And why not at an all-night grocery in the vegetable section or the marital aids *coughs* condom and lube section.
Meep offered: So that your next fic? cause Meep is mean like that too.
Title: So a Demon and a Human enter a Grocery Store Separately
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 1025
Thankfully the grocery was one of the large stores that was open all night, Randall had planned his shopping trip like that. Late at night, almost no one was there but for stockers and emergency shoppers who needed milk for the kids’ breakfast or people evading the day’s heat and didn’t need to be up for work until sometime mid-day. His first classes didn’t start until after lunch and it was often he’d be up online for a report or just browsing for interesting sites anyway so this wasn’t too far from his norm
.
Tonight he needed a few things like cup-a-soups and microwavable spaghetti and meatballs cups, maybe some fruit and while he was there in the produce department, a cucumber. He was really glad the checkouts at this time of night were self scan and bag because his next stop was the aisle with the pregnancy tests kits, condoms and lube.
‘So many choices and what difference does it make’, he whined lowly, finally picking up a lower priced box with only a few condoms per package since he was a student with a limited amount of money.
“You’ll find that this is a better brand, at least for now,” as a hand reached past his line of sight to pluck a different brand with extra lube. “It’s got tiny little nipples on the outside for extra stimulation but I see that you’ve also bought a cucumber.” There was a dark purring in the words, “you won’t need that. Let’s put it on the shelf to give someone a voyeuristic thrill when they find it.”
Turning to confront his self-appointed advisor, who was much closer than Randall thought as his shoulder brushing against a wide solid chest, “I want to buy a cucumber,” he ended up whispering looking up into dark sparkling eyes.
Hands grasped either side of Randall’s hips and the man smiled a bit too wide, “Sweet Cheeks, I’ve got your cucumber right here,” as he pulled Randall against him. The man leaned forward to speak into Randall’s ear, “I’ll teach you how to nibble daintily, lick and suck. You’ll have all the education you could hope for and more.” With a push the cart was sent further along the aisle, “In fact you don’t need any of this. All that we need, I already have and what we don’t, we can order online. Besides we want you to get pregnant, that’s what mates do as well as making the beast with two backs.”
“I will scream the store down if you don’t let go of me,” Randall threatened. Hadn’t he seen this guy outside one of the buildings on campus recently; yes, the Cultural Studies Building. “I can get you thrown off campus, in fact, in jail,” he amended, “when they call the cops for sexual harassment or something like that. NOW LET ME GO.”
Randall was let go with a shrug and a grin, the man raising his hands part way into the air and Randall decided that tonight wasn’t a good time to shop after all but grabbed the cart anyway, leaving the condoms behind. He would buy a cucumber, he thought defiantly, and if he peeled the damn thing he could even take bites out of it.
He’d been careful as he left the store to go to his car, looking around and being thankful that some of the stockers were outside having a smoke and the overhead lighting of the parking lot filled it with overlapping cones of brightness. No one left the store following him, not even when he pulled out onto the highway on his way in a straight shot back towards campus. No headlights glowed on the road behind him. He was safe. Reaching over the seat his hand found the bag, crinkling plastic that held the prize. He wrapped his fingers around the cucumber and gave it a squeeze that dented it not at all and he shivered. “You’re going to love what I do with you,” he crooned to the vegetable, “until I bite you.” If Randall thought about what face he’d be imagining when his teeth sunk in, well who would know. Tomorrow he’d buy some mace.
“So Euan, how did your hunting go? I see that you came back with empty arms,” Jerr grinned. “He wasn’t such a easy seduction as you thought.” Putting his finger up in the air with the presence of one of their Human/Demon Relations class instructors, “Never underestimate your mate once you have identified them. Sex isn’t going to net you a mate if your mate abhors you.”
Euan put up a different finger at his fellow mating-hunting demon. “He’s more virginal than I thought. He was buying a cucumber for pity's sake.”
Jerr gave a sympathetic, “Ouch,” then shrugged, “at least you know he hasn’t learned any bad habits … yet. You’ll get to teach him those. And you know he’s interested in how to take a cucumber down his throat.”
“I think the cucumber was going to do double duty” Euan supplied. “He was looking at condoms with lube when I caught up to him trying to choose a package of them.” He grinned.
“Lucky cucumber,” Jerr grinned back.
“I don’t know,” Euan said, “I have a feeling that the cucumber is going to have a painful sexual experience. My future mate was looking very irritated and scared when he left. Figured I better wait until someone is asleep to try a little after midnight dream seduction.”
“You brought a dream scryer with you?” was asked with incredulously raised brows.
“If you know who to fuck, you’d be surprised what you can have lent to you for a small price.” Euan replied.
Jerr looked at him, “And if it gets lost or broken…?”
“Let’s just say my ass will be reamed long and hard in a not so good way,” Euan answered.
“Ouch.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“Here’s to successful mate hunting then,” Jerr raised his glass and pushed a filled one towards Euan. “To our future mates. You’ve found yours. Wish me lucky with finding mine.”
They tapped glasses and Euan drank deeply.
Continues with A Delicate Business
And why not at an all-night grocery in the vegetable section or the marital aids *coughs* condom and lube section.
Meep offered: So that your next fic? cause Meep is mean like that too.
Title: So a Demon and a Human enter a Grocery Store Separately
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 1025
Thankfully the grocery was one of the large stores that was open all night, Randall had planned his shopping trip like that. Late at night, almost no one was there but for stockers and emergency shoppers who needed milk for the kids’ breakfast or people evading the day’s heat and didn’t need to be up for work until sometime mid-day. His first classes didn’t start until after lunch and it was often he’d be up online for a report or just browsing for interesting sites anyway so this wasn’t too far from his norm
.
Tonight he needed a few things like cup-a-soups and microwavable spaghetti and meatballs cups, maybe some fruit and while he was there in the produce department, a cucumber. He was really glad the checkouts at this time of night were self scan and bag because his next stop was the aisle with the pregnancy tests kits, condoms and lube.
‘So many choices and what difference does it make’, he whined lowly, finally picking up a lower priced box with only a few condoms per package since he was a student with a limited amount of money.
“You’ll find that this is a better brand, at least for now,” as a hand reached past his line of sight to pluck a different brand with extra lube. “It’s got tiny little nipples on the outside for extra stimulation but I see that you’ve also bought a cucumber.” There was a dark purring in the words, “you won’t need that. Let’s put it on the shelf to give someone a voyeuristic thrill when they find it.”
Turning to confront his self-appointed advisor, who was much closer than Randall thought as his shoulder brushing against a wide solid chest, “I want to buy a cucumber,” he ended up whispering looking up into dark sparkling eyes.
Hands grasped either side of Randall’s hips and the man smiled a bit too wide, “Sweet Cheeks, I’ve got your cucumber right here,” as he pulled Randall against him. The man leaned forward to speak into Randall’s ear, “I’ll teach you how to nibble daintily, lick and suck. You’ll have all the education you could hope for and more.” With a push the cart was sent further along the aisle, “In fact you don’t need any of this. All that we need, I already have and what we don’t, we can order online. Besides we want you to get pregnant, that’s what mates do as well as making the beast with two backs.”
“I will scream the store down if you don’t let go of me,” Randall threatened. Hadn’t he seen this guy outside one of the buildings on campus recently; yes, the Cultural Studies Building. “I can get you thrown off campus, in fact, in jail,” he amended, “when they call the cops for sexual harassment or something like that. NOW LET ME GO.”
Randall was let go with a shrug and a grin, the man raising his hands part way into the air and Randall decided that tonight wasn’t a good time to shop after all but grabbed the cart anyway, leaving the condoms behind. He would buy a cucumber, he thought defiantly, and if he peeled the damn thing he could even take bites out of it.
He’d been careful as he left the store to go to his car, looking around and being thankful that some of the stockers were outside having a smoke and the overhead lighting of the parking lot filled it with overlapping cones of brightness. No one left the store following him, not even when he pulled out onto the highway on his way in a straight shot back towards campus. No headlights glowed on the road behind him. He was safe. Reaching over the seat his hand found the bag, crinkling plastic that held the prize. He wrapped his fingers around the cucumber and gave it a squeeze that dented it not at all and he shivered. “You’re going to love what I do with you,” he crooned to the vegetable, “until I bite you.” If Randall thought about what face he’d be imagining when his teeth sunk in, well who would know. Tomorrow he’d buy some mace.
“So Euan, how did your hunting go? I see that you came back with empty arms,” Jerr grinned. “He wasn’t such a easy seduction as you thought.” Putting his finger up in the air with the presence of one of their Human/Demon Relations class instructors, “Never underestimate your mate once you have identified them. Sex isn’t going to net you a mate if your mate abhors you.”
Euan put up a different finger at his fellow mating-hunting demon. “He’s more virginal than I thought. He was buying a cucumber for pity's sake.”
Jerr gave a sympathetic, “Ouch,” then shrugged, “at least you know he hasn’t learned any bad habits … yet. You’ll get to teach him those. And you know he’s interested in how to take a cucumber down his throat.”
“I think the cucumber was going to do double duty” Euan supplied. “He was looking at condoms with lube when I caught up to him trying to choose a package of them.” He grinned.
“Lucky cucumber,” Jerr grinned back.
“I don’t know,” Euan said, “I have a feeling that the cucumber is going to have a painful sexual experience. My future mate was looking very irritated and scared when he left. Figured I better wait until someone is asleep to try a little after midnight dream seduction.”
“You brought a dream scryer with you?” was asked with incredulously raised brows.
“If you know who to fuck, you’d be surprised what you can have lent to you for a small price.” Euan replied.
Jerr looked at him, “And if it gets lost or broken…?”
“Let’s just say my ass will be reamed long and hard in a not so good way,” Euan answered.
“Ouch.”
“Yes, exactly.”
“Here’s to successful mate hunting then,” Jerr raised his glass and pushed a filled one towards Euan. “To our future mates. You’ve found yours. Wish me lucky with finding mine.”
They tapped glasses and Euan drank deeply.
Continues with A Delicate Business
