A Problem with the Landscaping
Nov. 4th, 2012 10:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charisstomaTitle: A Problem with the Landscaping
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 570
This is entirely Meep’s fault. *manic giggles* I can hear the shuddering already.
Byron moved in front of the door, “Might want to be careful while gardening today. Might even want to give it a miss, it takes a few days to wear off.”
“What does?” Geoff asked in confusion shifting the gardening basket with his gloves and trowel to his other hand.
“Had the landscaping service out last night.”
“Oh, and that is important because…” Geoff stopped. “Last night! Why the night?”
“They do their best work at night, they’re quiet and meticulous in the details. Other than letting the local law enforcement know to expect activity around the house, you arrange when they come out and the work is done by the time you are taking your shower in the morning.”
“Okay. Why?”
“They’re a company that is comprised of zombie vampires.”
“I didn’t think those two mixed.”
“It’s a small company, just getting started. I’m helping them out.”
“Alright, so why should I be careful for the next few days?” Geoff wasn’t going to let this go, moving the basket suggestively towards the door.
“You know how dust bunnies develop red eyes if there’s been a zombie over?”
“Yeah, I had to get the exterminators out here for that last week, as you know. They were friends of yours too.” Geoff was starting to look disgruntled.
Byron shuffled his feet, “Well, evidently they have a bad effect on the shrubbery too. Allen says it’s only temporary and they’re working on a way to overcome the results. Something to do with extended zombie presence. It’s why the zombies don’t worry about anyone breaking into their homes. The landscaping acts as a deterrent to burglary. If you notice, they all have those vines growing up their homes or hanging baskets at the doors or urns of some greenery at the front guarding the doors.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope.” Byron held up his hand peeling back the wrapped dressing from a raw meat kind of gash.
The basket fell to the floor with a thud. “Oh God. Why aren’t we already on our way to the hospital for that?” Geoff was fishing his keys out of his pocket steering Byron towards the door.
“Um, that’s not a good exit.”
“WHAT!?”
“Shrubbery,” Byron said flatly, “got me this morning. I’ve got an emergency call into the company to come take care of things. They’re sending out people to post the warning signs and we’ll have a couple specialists here for a few weeks. Already called in to work and taken sick leave.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, seems this could go one of two ways. I can get medical treatment for free trying out this new experimental treatment or I might not go zombie from a first exposure.”
“You bit me on the shoulder this morning in bed after you came back from jogging …” Geoff reached down and picked up the basket, dumping out the contents before slamming it over Byron’s head and shoulders. “YOU BIT ME ON PURPOSE! I’M A GOD DAMNED VEGETARIAN!”
Arms warding off the blows Byron shouted, “It’s okay the free treatment extends to spouses. Consider it a second honeymoon. I hear that zombies have great stamina and the things the guys were saying about zombie sex…” Warding off more blows while laughing, “We get a free copy of Sex and the Zombie in You!”
It was lucky that the doorbell rang when it did. Geoff had time to remember he loved Byron.
Author: charisstoma
Word count: 570
This is entirely Meep’s fault. *manic giggles* I can hear the shuddering already.
Byron moved in front of the door, “Might want to be careful while gardening today. Might even want to give it a miss, it takes a few days to wear off.”
“What does?” Geoff asked in confusion shifting the gardening basket with his gloves and trowel to his other hand.
“Had the landscaping service out last night.”
“Oh, and that is important because…” Geoff stopped. “Last night! Why the night?”
“They do their best work at night, they’re quiet and meticulous in the details. Other than letting the local law enforcement know to expect activity around the house, you arrange when they come out and the work is done by the time you are taking your shower in the morning.”
“Okay. Why?”
“They’re a company that is comprised of zombie vampires.”
“I didn’t think those two mixed.”
“It’s a small company, just getting started. I’m helping them out.”
“Alright, so why should I be careful for the next few days?” Geoff wasn’t going to let this go, moving the basket suggestively towards the door.
“You know how dust bunnies develop red eyes if there’s been a zombie over?”
“Yeah, I had to get the exterminators out here for that last week, as you know. They were friends of yours too.” Geoff was starting to look disgruntled.
Byron shuffled his feet, “Well, evidently they have a bad effect on the shrubbery too. Allen says it’s only temporary and they’re working on a way to overcome the results. Something to do with extended zombie presence. It’s why the zombies don’t worry about anyone breaking into their homes. The landscaping acts as a deterrent to burglary. If you notice, they all have those vines growing up their homes or hanging baskets at the doors or urns of some greenery at the front guarding the doors.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope.” Byron held up his hand peeling back the wrapped dressing from a raw meat kind of gash.
The basket fell to the floor with a thud. “Oh God. Why aren’t we already on our way to the hospital for that?” Geoff was fishing his keys out of his pocket steering Byron towards the door.
“Um, that’s not a good exit.”
“WHAT!?”
“Shrubbery,” Byron said flatly, “got me this morning. I’ve got an emergency call into the company to come take care of things. They’re sending out people to post the warning signs and we’ll have a couple specialists here for a few weeks. Already called in to work and taken sick leave.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, seems this could go one of two ways. I can get medical treatment for free trying out this new experimental treatment or I might not go zombie from a first exposure.”
“You bit me on the shoulder this morning in bed after you came back from jogging …” Geoff reached down and picked up the basket, dumping out the contents before slamming it over Byron’s head and shoulders. “YOU BIT ME ON PURPOSE! I’M A GOD DAMNED VEGETARIAN!”
Arms warding off the blows Byron shouted, “It’s okay the free treatment extends to spouses. Consider it a second honeymoon. I hear that zombies have great stamina and the things the guys were saying about zombie sex…” Warding off more blows while laughing, “We get a free copy of Sex and the Zombie in You!”
It was lucky that the doorbell rang when it did. Geoff had time to remember he loved Byron.
